I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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