I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
