hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
