It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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