Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
