TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
