She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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