btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
