Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
