Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
