Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
