The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
