If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
