I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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