I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
