what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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