Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
