My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
