I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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