She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
