I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
