I faked an abortion last night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
