Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
