you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
