you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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