i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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