If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
