You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
