Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
