i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
