oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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