Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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