she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
