I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
