he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
