My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
