i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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