i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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