I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
