Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
