haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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