I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
How's work?
Spinning.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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