So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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