It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
