If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Will exercising make me less horny?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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