Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
