i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
