I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
