She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
