so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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