bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
