It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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